Whooooo — Birthdays!!!!

I have decided that I want to make a goal of 365 days of writing, starting like yesterday. Now, I will not be publishing everyday, but I want to do more, on here or mini blogs on IG and other social media sites. Accountability time. In order to publish more, I need to write daily, I know this (for my mental sake too). And, I don’t want to just write, I want to get really real. Gasp, I know, I know… like I am not already? Exactly — I know I am, but I was telling my gals a story the other day, and one of them said, “That is one for the books!” and I thought, you know what you are right. I should blog about this stuff too, because you just cannot make it up. Some of the shit that goes down in life is (insert all of the adjectives here).

Real Life people, comin in hot at ya from the messed up mind of your truly, Tracy MF Holemeyer. (if you can’t guess on the MF are we even friends?!)

Also, and again, names will be changed to protect the innocent AND the guilty! So don’t fret, family, friends, potential lovers, random readers, past relationships, coworkers, the pushy multi-level marketeers, friends with kids, or not, I could go on, but basicall anyone could be written about but not so that others would know it’s you! I mean if its bad, and the shoe fits… well that’s on you, but I will not intentionally put YOU on blast — unless you totally deserve it — Llike by harming an animal, or openly threatening someone I love…in which case I can only warn be on your best behavior! Also, some of these stories may be mine, and some not, so all you judgey mcjudgersons just remember to save it until we are face to face and we can have a little chat, see if you can act so big and bad then. Umph!

Also, yes, I may have my sassy pants on, it is my Birthday!

Ok so here goes a funny little story. A couple weeks ago I found myself at a festival. While partaking in the good times I am literally stopped in my tracks/thoughts/conversation when this young man (he was at least legal, phew!) comes walking past, and I actually let out an audible “wow!”. I’m talking one of those guys that kinda walks off of a slutty romance novel cover from back in the day, but like up-to-date. Hair flowing, beard in perfect form, dimples, tall, dark, built, h.a.n.d.s.o.m.e.

So as I turn to watch him pass, and my senses return to normal function, I realize my girlfriend is tapping me and has the same astonishing eyes as every other woman in the 10 foot radius around this guy. Woman after woman having the exact same reaction. My attention immediately went from hot damn! to oh come on… this guy has to see what is happening around him!? Right?!

Think love child of this beautiful creature.

I decided to find out for myself….

Me: Um, hi, excuse me… I don’t mean to put you on the spot, well actually I guess I kind of do. Do you see what is happening around you? Like do you have any idea how women react to you?

I have completely switched from enamored to I would like to figure out the science behind your chemical design that has women literally falling over you — yes, one girl actually tripped. Like, what is that like for this dude?

Him: Wow, I mean thank you, that is very flattering, but um no, I don’t really know what you mean?
As he runs his hands through his hair.

Wtf is this, a movie — a meet cute — where is the 20 year old that goes for this?

Me: haha well you are welcome, but you obviously have to know the effect you are having on the people around you right, like even these guys over here agree that you are a good looking guy.

Him: You are very kind, that is so nice of you to say. But no, I mean I see what you are saying, but I can’t say that I notice, or realize it.

His friend: No, he actually really doesn’t — it’s weird — but I can vouch for that, he really doesn’t.

Me: Huh? Well you are very attractive, I guess it is just surprising one would be so humble when people are actually unable to speak around you.
As I point to the woman in the group next to us, just shaking her head in agreeance with the googliest eyes I have ever seen.

Him: So I am Alex (made up for protection, and because the name Tom Hardy was already taken, but also because I can’t really remember, yes I am that asshole), what’s your name?

Me: I am Tracy, thanks for letting me completely put you on the spot, I just was in amazement at the reactions women and men have to you. So, what do you do?

Him: Well I am a trainer at the gym while I…

Me: Of course you are. Of. Course. You. Are. Let me ask you something.

Him: Sure!

Me: Is your dad single by any chance?

Him: Um, yea I … wait wh..what?

Me: Well you are closer to my sons age then mine, and like I said before you are very attractive… so I just thought I’d ask… maybe, well is he?

My friends: howling in laughter, oh no she just did not….

Him: Well, I mean yea, he is a good looking guy, I just did not think that is what you were gonna ask.

Me: me either kid, me either!

And we laughed and laughed, and then he went back to his people.

Did I objectify him, yes, do I feel bad about it, no. If you find me offensive, well then just stop finding me sugar! Anywho, sassy pants here signing off, I hope you enjoyed the tale!

Cheers one for me, and for yourself — lets have a great next year — til I am 40 — yes that made me die a little inside.



P.S. — this one was just as I talk, I totally know there are grammar errors, but it flowed out and here you have it… no English lessons necessary xoxo

Originally published at www.uncontrollablyme.com on September 19, 2017.