Today, I am okay.

I am writing this today before I get stitches removed from my face. I know I am okay deep in my core, even if I am not actually okay. I went for a normal skin check, thank you heritage and too much sun exposure, and then I heard Basal and the C word, and we are doing a biopsy right now. I was stunned, but calm, knowing the “spot” wasn’t normal for months and then fearing this moment. A pinch, burn, sting, and then driving myself home with my left eye half covered with a bandage. Then, just numb. Let me back up.

I have mentioned before on here and on different social media posts that this last 12 months has been one of the hardest years of my life. Harder than living with a broken home as a little girl and having no idea that that hard wasn’t normal. Harder than defying my mother and moving out and into a relationship she didn’t approve of. More difficult than that same relationship failing and going through a two-plus year long divorce. Harder than parenting alone and even more difficult than being abused for years and harder than recovering from the night I was raped. More difficult than health issues and family drama, mental health crisis’s and living on less money than could stretch to feed us, and all of the uncertainty of life on a normal day-to-day. This last 12 months shook me, changed me, and showed me how all of that suddenly seemed to pale in comparison.

To say I am resilient is a fact. I have survived things that should have killed me. But this last year, which contains the absolute hardest night of my life to date, also involves others, so…